BE A BIG-BROTHER MAN
Everybody needs a brother and that includes me. I felt terribly bad when my only sister could not recognize me after she had been separated from us as a result of mum’s death. But I felt a-so-sweet love when she gave me that hug; when she always wanted to sit next to me. I love my sister – Diana, but she loves me and desires me more than I do.
Not only Diana, but my friends, my colleagues who would always want to give me that hug, hold my hand and most of all share with me their all – withholding nothing from me. They make me feel that I am so dear and loved, needed and cherished. And this always gives me this whhoooosssshhh feeling. I just get this feeling I cannot explain because not English nor Esan have words that could express them.
It would be a big lie if I deny the fact that I don’t want those hugs. Sometimes, I ask and they suffer me intentionally by refusing to give me one. I tend to enjoy the fact that a girl trusts me to the extent that she would want to sleep in my hands knowing that I wouldn’t abuse her or take (an undue) advantage of her. I love women and that I cannot deny. But I advise that you advice your sons (when you have them) about women. They may not take it and don’t expect them to. But all the same, still say it for the records. It would definitely help them when they don’t even know.
I always desire her hug and my heart pops up like popcorn anytime I see her name on my phone and there is this smile that shows on my face every time her photo scrolls on my windows-sidebar. However, psychology, biology and emotionology tells me she desire all these things too – the feeling; more than I do. She is a girl who is an emotional being and I am a guy – a logical being. Uuuhhhmmm.
Women are emotional beings who are mainly moved by what they hear and what they perceive/think. All they do is to add emotions to what they do – wanting to treat everything with human feelings. I remember Brenda in one of our articles stating that for a guy, 1+1 is = 2, but for a girl, she is like, why don’t you just add something. The guy is like from where? But the girl is like just do something now! You know, dad and mum are supposed to go for an event. Dad starts preparing quite early and prays mum to do the same, but she thinks she’s got all the time. Time is up, dad is ready, mum is yet to be ready, dad uses logic and leaves mum at home because he need to be at the event early, besides, he begged mum to get ready but she refused. Mum is like aahh now, while don’t you just wait, you want me to go alone eeehhh? Don’t you have human feelings?
This is not the perspective I want to write this article from. God and I had a discussion on Friday 21, January 2011 and what He explained to me is what I want to share with you. I would also be using what I learnt from my friend who asked why don’t you ever say the “L word” (love – I love you)?
Girls are moved by what they hear and what they hear influences what they think which in turn influences their actions/reactions. So, when a guy tells a girl she is beautiful, that he loves her or delivers all the oral poetry composed of music, the elements, animals and plants, the girl has no option but to ponder on them. Even when she does not want to think about them, she involuntarily finds herself thinking about them. She wants to be loved, held and desired. However, the only way you could better do this is to constantly tell her. Say it again and again, even when she tells you that you’ve said that before, she doesn’t want you to stop saying it. This is what Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages call words of affirmation.
Every girl wants to know you see her as beautiful, loved and desired. She does not want to know she is bugging your life, but want to hear how much you miss her. The funny thing about this is that, she may know that you are lying – not telling the truth, but sometimes/most-times, she just can’t explain why she is falling for it. It’s not her fault. It is just because she is a girl.
This is what God taught me. Girls are girls. The fact that some are Christians and some are not doesn’t make them different when it comes to feelings. We church boys always feel we are too holy to tell a girl “I love you,” “your hair is charming,” “I can’t deny the fact that I have missed you like a teenage lover-boy,” “your dress is making me speech-less and your smile could turn any man into a pillar/statue of salt.” Even a grandmother would definitely feel flattered if you tell her any of these. Besides, no grandma wants to hear that she is old or looking old even when she knows the truth.
This is where the problem lies. We don’t say the L-word and all girls need to hear are these words of affirmation, desire and longing. The guys of the other side take advantage of this and our girls fall. You don’t have sweet words, how then do you want a girl to fall for you or always want to hear her laugh. Every girl wants a guy that has a sense of humour and every guy wants to hear a girl laugh because of what he said. But you are not going to get that laugh if you don’t say the words that would make her flatter. Every woman wants a naughty man, who knows how to joke and laugh and say the nice words/promises even when she knows that the said guy is lying. However, that does not give you the right to be a liar or make vain promises. Remember that it is only a fool that makes a promise that he knows he cannot fulfill. When her physical appearance does not count, make her personality do.
The brothers of the other side may not want to sleep with your sister – they may start befriending your cousin in a platonic way. They say everything just as they feel it (but that does not mean you should say silly/stupid/immoral or profane words.) and would be that admirer every girl wants. The difference between them and us is that, when we are faced with sexual temptations, we have better principles to overcome it and most of all; we have the help of the Holy Spirit which they don’t have. Another thing is that, when we fall, God is always there to pick us up, but they have no helping hand as such apart from the devil who would cover the pit with a big tray.
If every Christian Brother love and cherish every Christian sister, no outsider can deceive them or steal them away from us. Or have you never wondered why do Christian girls date non-Christian guys? The answer is simple; those guys know what trill girls and never reserve any.
If I always tell Esther, “you know I love you,” and always tell Nancy; “you know I’m crazy about you” and also tell Eunice; “babe, you’re not looking bad at all,” tell me, how will another guy tell them the same thing and they would fall. They would always feel secure…
Why will she want to be with Collins when I could sacrifice my meal for her? How will Desmond take advantage of her with gifts when I also do the same? This was what God wanted Timothy to know when Apostle Paul wrote to him; “Talk to… younger women as if they were your sisters, while keeping yourself morally pure” (1 Tim 5:1&2 God’s Word). Only Christian guys could treat girls and not allow their human nature of longing to have sex over-rule the relationships. We are the only ones who can exercise self control over our hormones and sexual drives treating girls as though they are our younger sisters. No guy in his right senses would want to sleep with his sister. This I know.
Tell her the L-word anytime and every time possible. This is why I am crazy about Evelyn, Etin, I.T., Vivian, Esther and…, they always tell me and that makes me feel… and I always want to be around them because I would hear what my soul earnestly wants to hear. Gary Chapman’s Quality Time, gifts, Acts of Service, may not go too well with me, but his Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch goes too well with me. Funny enough, most girls around me try to please me with Quality Time and Acts of Service and most times, this scares me. I like being with you when I want and when necessary and I also love doing my things myself, my way. However, the aforementioned ladies know that words of affirmation gets a hold on me but only about five ladies know that they could make me their subjects by physical touch of hand shakes, holding of hands and a simple hug – Benigna, Etin, Brenda, Meda, Vivian and….
If we, as Christian Brothers, pay attention to our female friends and know them personally and individually, we could just be the most irresistible and influential guyS around. That’s why every Christian Brother need to learn, observe, study and read books and works on how to treat women – how to understand them better. Most of the issues we have with sisters are rooted in our ignorance and lack of understanding of them.
One thing I have noticed about my female friends is that they tend to talk more about guys who regularly call them, send them sms and constantly visit them. It leaves an impression – a positive one. Take advantage of this if you could.
Have you ever considered sitting in the kitchen while she did all that cooking? It may not be pleasant when she wouldn’t allow you eat up the fish, meat, cray-fish and all the kitchen eatables and you have to bear all that heat. But she would be so pleased and feel loved and well thought of if you decide to sit there doing those chats and gossip with her than sitting in front of the t.v. or under the tree with a newspaper or hanging out with the boys. My male friends have testified of how a girl (or mother) thought well of them because they spent time with them in the kitchen or when she was doing the laundry. Most ladies have always asked “what is he doing in the parlour when I am killing myself here in the kitchen for him?” There is nothing as lovely or showing concern in the house as joining a lady do her chores. If she stops you, just hang around. Don’t use it as a ground of not always wanting to help.
Let her know she is far worthy and beautiful than she thinks. Be proud to walk along the street with her and don’t fail to hold her hands in public – showing others how precious she is unless the Holy Spirit and your flesh tell you otherwise. Let her know that you are not like every other guy who wants to have sex with her or touch her breast as if they were balloons for children (you) to play with. When I have more regarding this issue, I shall definitely let you know.
But please, in the name of God, so that we don’t lose more sisters to boys of the other side, be a Big Brother with all moral purity – 1 Tim 5:1&2
THINK IT OVER
When was the last time you said “I love you” to a special
person in your life? Think of a quality you appreciate in that
Person and tell him or her about it.
A word of love can make a world of difference.
-Our Daily Bread; February 14, Wednesday 2001
Remember that it is your relationship with Jesus that makes your (other) relationship(s) sweet and that without God, man is nothing and without His help, our relationships is nothing but miserable hell.
I confess that I refuse to be another black statistics; a black man who doesn’t give a damn about divorce. I refuse to allow my children witness divorce or make mature decisions in court. I choose to marry for life or not marry at all.
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