#TheCounsellor
She: I was told that sex is a game and it’s interesting but I am not sure.
Me: Sex isn’t a game. It’s not football, or Mario Bros, Zuma or Candy Crush. And of course, sex is interesting. Sex is very thrilling but only in marriage (which is the only place where it has safe and healthy boundaries). There are many physical, health, emotional and even spiritual grave consequences of having sex outside the committed relationship of marriage.
She: is it good to have sex outside marriage?
Me: Sex is like fire. When burning from a gas stove, it is healthy and welcomed, but when burning in the bush or city during harmattan, it becomes evil and bad. Remember it is the same fire. So also is sex, the same sex that is good in marriage is destructive outside marriage.
Having sex outside marriage is stealing sex,
Sex abuse,
Sex misuse,
Sex devaluation,
Sin against God,
Wrong against your parents.
Sex in itself isn’t bad, but having it outside marriage is what’s bad.
She: But I was told that it is good to be dis-virgined before marriage
Me: And what was their reason for that?
She: Because if someone is not dis-virgin before marriage the clitoris would have become harder…and it will really (cause) pain when someone wants to have sex after marriage.
Me: The clitoris can never cause pain during sex because its nerve endings are purposed to give pleasure. The pleasure derived from sex, for women, is mostly from the stimulation of the clitoris. The clitoris will only cause pain when handled or caressed roughly during fondly (fingering), not during penetration or coitus (vagina sexual intercourse).
What may cause pain, a little pain, is the rupturing of the hymen (the thin tissue covering the vagina leaving a little opening for menstrual flow) during the first sex. The hymen is a thin tissue having blood that when torn during the first sexual intercourse (to accommodate the size of the penis) may cause a little (insignificant) pain.
And hey, don’t be scared yet. The vagina can become wide enough to allow the head and shoulders of a baby (which are far bigger than a penis) to pass because of its elastic ability. So, what causes a little pain during the first sex is the hymen and not the clitoris.
Remember female genital mutilation, (circumcision)? It is the removal of the clitoris so that women will never enjoy sex and this can cause many complications during childbirth and also have many health and psychological adverse effect on women. If removing it will make women never enjoy sex, then, having it means women will enjoy sex (without pain).
She: Kk…I understand that…but what about if someone has sex with someone with a large penis and after she wants to have sex with someone with a small penis…can the penis penetrate?
Me: Rephrase your question, please
She: you said vagina has an elastic ability. You know that if someone has sex with someone with a large penis the vagina will become large but when she wants to have sex with someone with a small penis won’t it (the vagina, now) be too large for the penis?
Me: The vagina is elastic; that means it can get wider and smaller to fit different sizes of penis and also childbirth. But the challenge is that having multiple sexual partners confuses the vagina.
Yes, the vagina is very sensitive, so it adjusts to “its penis” and then adjusts to “its baby” then adjust back to “its penis” in about 6 – 8 weeks. When you have multiple sexual partners, the vagina becomes confused in adjusting to the different sizes. Today, it adjusts to this penis size, then tomorrow to another, then another next week, and yet to another in a month!
Multiple sexual partners destroy the elasticity of the vagina far more, yes, far more than childbirth could ever do. Kegel’s (PC) exercise, however, helps women strengthen and “tighten” the muscles “walls” of the vagina to enjoy more pleasure. Men could also do a “PC exercise” to help them strengthen the muscles that help in delaying ejaculation, too.
Sex is like fire. When it burns from our stove, it cooks our food and warms our house, but when it burns from the wire in the roof, it destroys. Do you know why? Anything that isn’t placed in proper boundaries destroys. Marriage is the safest boundary for sexual fire. Relationships may appear to be a boundary, too. However, that is life fire burning from a candle. It is really not as safe as fire burning in a lantern. Just as many houses have been burnt down by fire from a candle, so as sex destroyed many people that had it in relationships.
The safest place for our sexual fire is in a cooker and lantern which only marriage offers.
My name is Earl, and I am Alright.
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