HOW TO MAKE HIM DO IT.
This was a Question and Answer session at the Flesh to Flesh Wahtsapp Group owned and managed by The Alright’s Passion.
Questioner:
I have this challenge, it seems I don’t know how to make or talk to my husband into doing things that I like and believe to be helpful to us.
Fisayo Dayo-Samuel:
Communication is very important and vital when it comes to relating with people, especially with our spouse. When we lack the right way to pass our message to our spouse in clear terms, then it becomes difficult for them to hear us or even adhere to what we want.
So the question is how have you been communicating with him? If you can clearly state this, it will help me understand better. Do you also understand your husband’s personality?
Questioner:
My husband is the bossy type who always wants to be in charge, and if he isn’t, he acts unconcernedly.
Fisayo Dayo-Samuels:
Oh okay, that means it might be hard for him to lose a battle. In a case of communicating with such people, the first thing to note is their ego. They don’t want their ego to be bruised in the process of correcting them or telling them what to do.
Now when you say “being sincere,” it might also mean you were blunt and straight to the point and him, having a blunt personality, might not want others to do the same to him. So you can adapt another strategy of suggestions. This kind of personality (that your husband has) will appreciate if things are suggested to the. That way, they still feel honoured. They are actually ready to adjust if you can just understand them better.
Questioner:
You know I have tried being subtle in telling him about my likes, but he would rather laugh it off. And when I am blunt, he gets annoyed. For instance, I sleep early but he sleeps late at night. To bring him to bed early is a matter but he does not mind to disturb my sleep when he gets horny. Let me now wake him from sleep he ignores me, begs me to leave him or even shouts at me.
Fisayo Dayo-Samuel:
Since you got married, has there been a day when you both had a heart to heart conversation and he wasn’t listening?
Questioner:
Listening is something that I wish he would do more. Sometimes he would ask about things of which I would answer only for him to ask again later like he never did. Sometimes, when I complain that he doesn’t listen, he either says I am the one that doesn’t talk or that voice (tone, pitch) or timing wasn’t right.
Fisayo Dayo-Samuel:
Actually it happens too to me. There are times I tell my husband something. Maybe in the next few hours he asks again and I am like “I’ve told you before.” So what I do now is that I make sure I get his attention to listen which actually differs from spouse to spouse. Then I talk to him and I am asking “are you getting it, do you understand?” For me, I have to explain in clear terms, very clear for him to understand me.
So you can listen to some of his feedback that might sound annoying to you. Pick your lesson and restrategise until you get it. When it comes to you and your spouse, there is no giving up if you are aiming to improving your communication skills in the union. So you can try this let see if it works;
If you are free take him out or create a playful atmosphere. But be sure he isn’t busy. Tell him you just want you guys to have a nice time together. Just the two of you (be Romantic and persuasive). Then you, in between the whole thing, can emotionally tell him that you have something you would want the two of you to discuss that will enhance your bond as a couple.
Now you will let him know this not to spite him or anything, but it is because you love him and want the best for the two of you. You know, as a woman, you will have to find a way to get your man in the mood. Then you talk, not labeling or attacking him. Just talk! Let him know at the end of the day that his perspective will mean a lot to you and it will also help you learn to become a better spouse to him.
Can we try that and see how it goes?
Another Respondent:
Sis, many men experience this. It happens with me and my husband and I used to be so angry. I actually felt he wasn’t bothered about what concerned me, but I learnt him with time and I realized it’s not because he wanted to be less concerned. I saw that it was not intentional and I also realized its common with many men. It’s not a man’s nature to manage many things at a time. So if you bring up a discussion when their mind is preoccupied, be sure that you are talking to yourself even though it appears that they are listening. They will come back later and ask like the discussion has never been mentioned before. So try to always get the best time to talk. Times when his mind is free and open. Times when he is relaxed. You will most likely get the best of him.
You can also learn what interests him. Topics that catch his interest, then as you roll along, chip in your thoughts. That’s another way to catch a man’s attention.
When you say something that you mean and he laughs over it. It’s an opportunity to say something like “I’m really serious baby, don’t laugh over it jooooor.” Know when and how to impress your thoughts lovingly and submissively. Remind him with your actions that you are in no competition with him, you will just see him gradually become vulnerable with you.
You also need to be lovingly persistent (patient with a good attitude) there’s no giving up. Hang on there and you won’t even know when things will change to your tone.
Mr Dayo Samuel:
And if I may add, make that meeting an ongoing one. Not a one-off. What I mean is, me and my wife, Fisayo Dayo-Samuel, we usually have scheduled family meetings. Sometimes pre-planned, other times, we make it happen on the spur of the moment. Regularly like this, we ensure this meeting, we are here to offload constructively. So anything we say is for the good of the team. That way, we bring about adjustments and sharpening that will make our lives and marriage better. You get?
Questioner:
I feel so blessed to have these wonderful set of people who give their best for my fulfillment as a wife. I will make sure to make you all proud.
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