IT’S ALL ABOUT TEAM-PLAY

IT’S ALL ABOUT TEAM-PLAY

If you use public means of transportation in Nigeria, especially a public bus, you will know that although it is the driver that makes the final decision, he can’t joke with the dude that we call the conductor. Sometimes, or most times, it actually appears that the conductor is the boss. So it seems. But we know that although he seems to do the major work; calling passengers, collecting money, managing agberos, directing commuters, his boss is the driver. If there is ever an issue that requires one of them to make a final decision on the matter, what the driver says prevails.

When it comes to romantic relationships, it’s NOT about who is more powerful economically, spiritually, socially, financially or politically that makes the final decision. It’s about who is the captain of the ship for every marriage is actually a relationSHIP. Every team needs a captain. Every class needs Class Rep. Every church needs a lead/head pastor, and so it is for every relationship. Two people can’t call the final shots.

In a partnership, we have the Principal Partner. Every company has a Chairman. Even the Trinity has God the Father. Every team needs a captain. Can two walk, work, and do things together except they agree? YES, but they won’t make good success. They would never achieve a common goal. It will be like a house divided against itself that would never stand, although it will still be a house.

So who is supposed to submit to whom in marriage?

The best way to answer the above question is to first see your relationship and marriage as a team. It’s not an employer-employee relationship. It’s not a master-slave relationship. It is team play! I like using many books to discuss my opinion, but let me sit with the Bible today. It appears that many of the submission issues we have are even from the Bible. The first place we see submission in marriage in the Bible is in Genesis 2;

“Therefore shall a man leave his family and cleave to his wife…” (Vs24).

He was to give up his origin and comfort for his new team. He was actually to push himself mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially and break out. It is beyond taking the woman’s surname and exchanging it with his. It is about losing his previous identity. Another form of submission was for him to humble himself and woo the woman. This preceded the cleaving sha. He even needed to submit to the maiden’s customs and parents just to be able to marry her.

In Ephesians 5, the church is said to submit to Jesus because he first humbled and submitted himself to and for her. Now, submission is only in marriage. It is not a sex thing, it is a gender role. Women ought not to submit to men because they are females but only when they are wives, and it is to their own husbands. I think this is where we need to understand that husband is the male man who a female woman is married to and not everyone who is a member of his family, clan or tribe.

Some have argued that being a husband or wife is a role. I agree. It’s a role in the marriage team.

So the rule says, submit to YOUR OWN husbands, not boyfriends or every man out there. Interestingly, Ephesians 5:21 says submit one to another and this is because, like in the game of football, the goalkeeper needs to listen to the captain and the captain cannot shut up or ignore the striker either. It’s a team play! It’s the team that wins or loses not the individual. So, the rule is actually submit to each other (Ephesians 3:21). On that level, a husband and wife have equal rights to influence, control and somewhat, dictate to each other. It’s a team play!

There were times Moses had to allow what the people wanted to be what happened. That was submission. So, the submission starts with the husband, even before the marriage. If your woman can’t give the last word on some occasions, then you aren’t Romancing her like God. Many times, God had to agree with the will of the Israelites (even when some were not perfect). It was a form of submission. Lazarus was sick, Jesus needed to be there, but his disciples delayed him till the Dude died. That was submission.

Now, any man who can’t and isn’t his woman’s wrapper isn’t really cleaving. This plays out in my family a lot. A relationSHIP can’t have two captains. That in your house you can call your father “guy” doesn’t mean you rank as high with him in family matters. We are all equal until daddy wants to give an instruction or make a final decision.

Now for ladies, remember it is team-play. In marriage, we have a team that is made up of a husband, a wife and children. For this squad to perform well, one person ought to be answerable on behalf of others. Only one person can slam the hammer on the gavel! One person ought to have the rights of a captain, a chairman, the group admin, the Senate president. Annoyingly, the other team members may not like it, but we just have to allow it. That’s submission!

We even submit to the colours of the day for the wedding sef.

Let me tell you something:

Most people run away from responsibilities, especially leadership roles where they aren’t paid but get to be what they call, the leader servant. If you ever did class rep, you would realize that leading goats is easier than leading people. If you ever led in a campus fellowship, you may never want to take any leadership office in church again.

What makes many men bad leaders are actually the emotional, mental and etc thoughts of having to, with no option of choice, to be the leader, provider, protector and chief priest of their families.

So when you say you can’t submit, they ask “who submission help? E dey fill bank account?” Can’t you see that many guys are refusing to marry? They are running away from the work that comes with the headship. If it was possible to avoid these duties and be the recipients, many men would gladly accept it. Many are tired of the roles that society and religion have compulsorily placed on them even before birth. Don’t think that men are really excited to be the leader, provider, protector and chief priest. Who work epp?

You aren’t doing your man any good by submitting. Honestly, you are only doing your team the good; helping your leader by making his work easier for the total and general good of the marriage. However, when there is a conflict of powers, the submission rule for Christian marriages says that women should defer to their own husbands. The wife should have the power to make a final decision in some matters.

However, if a conflict of opinion or interest arises in the organization, the person that has the authority to make the final say by reason of position (not income, qualification or social status but by position), according to our customary and religious laws is the male human in the marriage relationship.

A wife should have the power to make a final decision on some matters, however, when there is a conflict of interest, one person should have the final say in every organization and that is the person who sits in the position of the boss, and custom and religion says that the person should be the husband in the marriage.

Well, in some marriages, it is separated ad to who has the power to make final decisions in some matters. And I know some of you would really love that the headship in marriage be rotational. Well, just in case you don’t like what you are submitting to, remember Jesus didn’t enjoy His too.

Jesus had to, at one time, scream “…not my will but Your will….” A crazy act of submission! Earlier on, He was even “driven” into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. But you must always remember that it’s a team play

It’s team play. It’s not a dictatorship!

So, as a man, you need consider the good of the team, the goals, and the objectives while using your veto power. While submitting, you need to see it as team play, not subjugation.

My name is Earl, and I am Alright.

You rock!