LOVE SHOULD BE VULNERABLE, BUT USE SENSE

My name is Earl, and I am Alright. 

My mission is to, without compromising my faith, health, personal relationships and values, help people with sex and relationship issues through diverse means, ensuring that my counselling is true and accurate to the Bible, balanced and culturally relevant. 

This I will achieve here today. Alright’s Passion is helping young people with their sex and relationship issues through diverse means, ensuring that our counselling is true and accurate to the Bible, balanced and culturally relevant.

LOVE SHOULE BE VULNERABLE, BUT USE SENSE
First, let me explain what I mean by “sense” just in case we have new folks here who don’t understand what it means. When I started #ReceiveSense hashtag last year January, I was just bittered about somethings. Today, I find others using it and it’s kinda cool.

“Sense” for me is knowledge plus understanding plus wisdom. So when I say use sense or say receive sense, I mean use or receive knowledge + understanding + wisdom.

Love ought to be vulnerable . Love should be vulnerable. It doesn’t make sense to be in a relationship or marriage and still be acting very careful as though you were doing some business transaction with untrusted people and partners.

Your partner should be able to hurt you easily and deeply because you made yourself vulnerable. Your spouse should be able to destroy your public reputation because you’ve been vulnerable. Mind you, I said “should be able” it is left to the person to CHOOSE to or not. 

In Romancing Like God book, I used one chapter to show how vulnerable God is in His relationship with us. He doesn’t care if we lie on Him, cheat on Him, betray Him, turn our back on Him etc. In fact, Scriptures says that the gifts of the Lord are without repentance. That’s vulnerability.

When bae does somethings, sometimes, I am like “no be your fault. Assuming say you no be bae, you for bold.” And it’s isn’t only about romantic relationships. For you to enjoy good friendship and business partnership, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable to cheating, betrayal, gossip and not give a damn. However, #ReceiveSense to choose close friends.

Well, I want to just drop some sense as a counsellor and lawyer. I heard a pastor say today that He buys landed property in the name of his wife among other beautiful and romantic vulnerable things. I loved the other things he mentioned and I do most of them too in my relationship.

However, as a lawyer, I counsel you on purchasing major things in the name of your partner or spouse thus:

If it is a gift, you can buy it in your partner’s or spouse’s name. However, if it isn’t a gift, but something for which you guys have, and should continually have joint ownership over, and interest in, biko, no try am come go buy am for only her/e name o.

I wouldn’t advice you make that purchase in your partner’s name. I wouldn’t dare do that as your lawyer​ and now your counsellor. What I do for my clients in situations like that is to make the contract or purchase in the name of the Husband and Wife, making them joint owners.

Now, I am not saying you guys will breakup or divorce but I am saying you guys CAN. A breakup or a divorce is a choice and any person in a relationship may CHOOSE to use the option.

I have some money with bae, but it is money that if she chooses to go with it, I won’t die, and I can’t ever even become broke. Well, I have had cases where the person broke-up and refused to return the money or documents. I have had situations where one of the person’s died and the other couldn’t recover the monies or properties because it automatically fell into and became part of the estate of the deceased.

So it’s simple, if it isn’t a gift, tell your lawyer to prepare it in your name and that of your spouse/partner. If you guys are not yet married, or even if married, but choose to do business together, I advice you (as your lawyer) to have a partnership agreement.

I am not saying you will divorce or breakup, I am only saying when the time comes and you CHOOSE to divorce or breakup, I don’t want you to commit suicide after you would have counted your loss. I don’t want you to become bankrupt.

So instead of transferring all the money into her account, open a joint account. It won’t take more than one day to do that. Don’t allow a lawyer prepare a document for you using Mr. and Mrs James Lagbaja. What if he marries another woman. Who is then Mrs. James Lagbaja? So it is best to use Mr. James Lagbaja and Mrs Jane Lagbaja. This way, we are clear on who Mrs. Lagbaja is. She is Mrs Jane Lagbaja and not Mrs Janet Lagbaja, a second secret wife (under African customary laws) or Mrs. Jasmine Lagbaja after a divorce and remarriage.

Foreign laws protect women in Marriages most especially after a divorce and the death of the husband. Our legal system, although having same attitude, hasn’t fully metamorphosed yet. So, in other not to allow your wife go with everything after a divorce, dear jando, buy that house, shares and cars in your name and that of your woman. 

If you are in Naija, babe, tell your man to buy all the properties: cars, houses etc in your names. So that at death, no in-law would come and be doing your strong thing. And taking full ownership and possession of such things won’t be wahala for you and your lawyer.

Besides sef, it would be hard for the man to divorce you, because he knows everything he has would be sold and divided into two. Hahahahahaha. When everything is bought in a partners name alone, it makes it difficult for the other partner to walk away from the relationship.

 If A give B his money to keep, A go dey fear to breakup, because B may not return the money

Hahahahaha

But there is a way out; transfer the monies through your mobile app and state the reason for the transfer. That way, you can recover the monies or items after a breakup, or divorce. Now I am talking to you as a lawyer. So when I send bae money and put as purpose/reason “keep for me” or “for our…”. Maybe law don too enter my head sha. Well, that’s how to get back your property after a breach of promise to marry.

But wait oh, I thought I said love should be vulnerable? Yes. Be vulnerable. However, if there is anything you are yet to be vulnerable with, watch your back, cover your tracks.

I have become very vulnerable in my relationship now and that’s because bae has been able to buy my trust over the years. If she wanted to ruin me, forget all these law grammar, she will. But well, that’s because I don’t mind if I lose all my investment in the relationship, including my life.

I don’t care if she is the sole beneficiary of my insurance savings. I laughed and told her that just in case she decided to kill me, what she would be paid is so and so and won’t take her for long. I can be very vulnerable with that, besides, I would be dead sef by the time the money is paid, so I have nothing to lose.

She can be next of kin to any and every account. Na when money dey the account she fit claim something nau, and I would have been dead too, so nothing to lose. But say na landed property or na shares, and no be gift, UHM UHM, bae, I love you so much that it has to be both of our names on the paper. I go sign, you go sign.

But hey, who says I can’t and you shouldn’t buy all the properties in your spouse’s names? Who says you shouldn’t do the business unless your name appears on all the papers? Nobody. Nobody actually. Like seriously, nobody.

 It is the GIFTS of the LORD that is without repentance. Not ETERNAL life which is His nature (His estate). See Hebrews 6:4-6, 10:29

We should Romance Like God. You can go away with the gift but not with the estate.

Be very vulnerable in your relationship and marriage, but use sense.

Love should be vulnerable

Our INTENTION at the ROMANCE CAFE is to EDUCATE, RE-ORIENT and give direct one-on-one SUPPORT to young people so that they can make informed romantic decisions which will help them confront and deal with their sex and relationship issues effectively. Alright’s Passion Counsellors are consultants in their own separate organizations who have come together to help people with sex and relationship issues for free through the Alright’s Passion Counsellors Network.

However, their free services do not extend to professional consultancy like therapy, retainership, Legal Soliciting/Advocacy services, Medical Health Services, Coaching Services, Public Speaking Services, delivering of goods or other professional services and the likes (although a counsellor MAY decide to offer such services for free). 

Courtesy requires that we do not abuse free services and that it is proper we honour those who teach us with our money, substance and expertise.

God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation).

My name is Earl, and I am Alright

@AlrightsPassion